Oar and Hosts
by StarlightsKick
Summary: The Oar and Hosts' The Prince Policy captain and crew embark upon another voyage. Between old enemies and problems with sugar, alarms and explosions, the crew has their work cut out for them in The Verse. Using all their diplomatic skills, can they make a living in the frontier that is the Core of the Alliance?


**Chapter 1: The Prince Policy**

 _(Location: Halfway between Londinum and Ariel in what is known colloquially as Core-Space)_

"Tamaki Tsuo, you half-wit" cried Hikaru from the cockpit, beside him Kaoru knelt under the navigation console, his head resting perilously close between Hikaru's legs. Kaoru continued almost in direct sequence to his brother's statement, his hand waving wildly from under the console as he spoke, "You're a poor excuse for a captain."

Hikaru continued, "Have you any pride?" bearing his head high as his hands flew over the decrepit console, his right hand fighting with the stick for control, the pitch of the ship barely steadying under his experienced hands. Kaoru pulled abruptly from under the desk, revealing the blockage, his hands layered with a small sheen of oil clutching a rag. The small rag flew backward, just over Hikaru, and soaring through the air landed exactly onto Tamaki's face, barely peeking in the doorway, the sheet standing in as a door draping over his shoulders created a cloak behind him. A sudden silence as both brothers turned around. Simultaneously their voices croaked out, "Why in the galaxy would you purchase such a decrepit ship for us?" Hikaru continued, "It has so many issues it can barely be called a ship"

Kaoru looked as his brother, the two in a mutual understanding "How can we fly such a dump straight, let alone fight if need be?" He pulled his head out from between Hikaru's legs, holding another rag and a wrench "I understand that you want peace. I understand that you want this to be a diplomatic and high class ship. Yet with the ship you provided, I can't understand…." His voice chokes up suddenly and crocodile tears bourgeon in the corners of his eyes. "I can't understand, how the _hell_ this ship is supposed to be _high class_?"

Tamaki looked at them hurt, his right hand fluttering on his leg, his left pulling the rag off his face, leaving a few small oil spots. He looked at the twins "Why are you condemning this dream of mine, this dream of ours?" He opened his mouth, closed it gently and repeated his oft spoken words "Only those with excellent social standing, and those from filthy rich families, are lucky enough to spend their time here." He gestured around at the stained walls, the broken flooring, and the perilously cracked glass screen in front of the pilots, who, at that moment, were making an expression that somehow was a mix of contempt and boredom. Ignoring the twins Tamaki continued, "At the elite, private diplomatic ship, The Prince Policy. This ship is where the handsomest men with too much time on their hands, entertain diplomatic powers who also have way too much time on their hands. Just think of it as the Galaxy's elegant transport for the super-rich and beautiful." Tears spring to his eyes, his mouth quivering. "That is our dream, that is why we fly, that is why we, the Oar and Hosts, persevere!"

He turned to leave, but his movement was stopped by Kyoya, "Yes Prince Tamaki, that is why _you_ fly" his finger poking Tamaki's shoulder for emphasis, he turns to the twins, "But the real reason we are here, is to become obscenely rich through the machinations and subsequent draining of every visitor we have." He gestured to the ship "You may see a flying junk heap, barely fit for travel, but I see the promise of a million jewels, a thousand ships, and—"

"One hundred beautiful woman, ten Milk-Duds, and a bottle of Jack!" The twins finish in unison, their heads resting against each other as if dreaming of a better world. Tamaki colors and steps forward angrily. Kyoya puts his hand on his friend's shoulder, Tamaki subsides slowly and turning away from the twins mutters softly, "We, the sons of such bountiful failures, of such rising stars. Our families were the leaders of the largest diplomatic group in the galaxy, the Ouran Fleet! It fell, we fell, but through our loss we can gain so much more! We can work in every world, the diplomatic aristocracy we were born to, and the slums we have slumped to." He turns slowly on his heel and stomps off from the cockpit of the Class-E Rose series diplomacy transport to find Honey and ensure that the meal is… vacant of sweets.

The twins turn to each other, a simple shrug encompassing hours of speech between the two. They turn back to Kyoya and say, "So… About the Milk Duds? Is it possible we could cash in on that early?" They smile at him hopefully. Kyoya looks at them, sitting at the cockpit, their hands wandering all over the dash, pressing what seems to be random buttons. He opens his mouth and then, thinking better of his answer, replying a simple "No." He turns on his heel and exits after his friend, muttering something under his breath about profits, laziness, and dreams. Once in the hallway Kyoya stops, leans against the wall and breaths gently, staring at the ceiling he whispers to himself, "Why must I stay with such lunatics? This ship is a joke… A _rose_ class?" He sighs, "After a year of this drudgery, we have barely paid off the ship! How does Tamaki expect us to continue out here in the Alliance without funds?" He cleans his glasses slowly, places them gently on the bridge of his nose. Sighing he places his hand on his forehead, steadies himself, and walks down the hallway to inspect the crew quarters in what he knows will be a fruitless and exasperating exercise.

"Why must you _always_ include sugar in our meals?" Tamaki questioned Honey. "Class – C Food Rations are not improved through the introduction of _pixie stix_." Tamaki puts his hand on his head, turns around and looks at the small kitchen, the shelves covered with a differing variety of foods. The "high-class" pre-prepared meals and ingredients that Honey heats up for the visitors and then the common low quality food rations reserved for the crew. Tamaki turns back around and the moment he sees the little 22-year-old, his white apron covered in what appears to be frosting, and a drawn on strawberry cake, his eyes water in regret. Honey looks down at his new glazed *C-Rat Surprise,* the shiny mystery meat slowly salting with his tears. He looks at his carved pink bear-shaped hilt of his cleaver and his tears renew, "Oh Usa-Chop! Why is he always so mean! We only want it to taste good for the crew!" He looks out from his tears to see Tamaki barrel at him, tears cascading down his cheeks as well. "Honey! I'm sorry! I can't wait to try your… C-Rat Surprise… Just, it would be nice not to have sugar in every meal." The two embrace silently, tears exploding out of their eyes.

Suddenly a large explosion rocks the ship and out of the engineering hatch in the floor of the kitchen, (placed there to avoid the peeping eyes of diplomatic clients) crawls a large smoking mass. "Mori?!" Cry the two tearful confused crew. He looks up from his smoke covered body, smiles, and nods at Honey muttering, "Fixed" and with that simple statement he walks over to the crew quarters and disappears mysteriously into the showers, his jerkin loose on his chest, black from the oil and smoke. The two look at each other confused, Tamaki finally clears his throat, "Honey… What was that?" Honey shuffles his feet, "I um… Asked him to add a new Sugar Separator for the biological waste a while ago… You see, we were almost out of sugar…" He looks at Tamaki with tearful eyes. Tamaki looks at him bewildered and disturbed, and steps backward. He shudders, "What exactly needed to be 'fixed' then?" Suddenly, a loud sound blares from the intercom. "BOSS!" Cry the two twins in unison, "We might have a – slight - problem!" Hikaru continues.

Tamaki looks back at Honey "We will talk later." He ignores Honey's sweet addiction and bounds out of the kitchen, pulling open the door to the hallway, running up and then throwing aside the curtain hiding the cockpit. He lands in between the twins, his hands on Hikaru's left shoulder and on Kaoru's right. "What's wrong, what's the problem?!" He asks slightly panicked.

The two twins look at the readout, "It looks like we have a Class – B Neko series transport ship approaching, it appears to have been redesigned to be a diplomatic courier much like ours, the readout lists the name to be listed as _Beelzenef_ …" mutters Hikaru, the two look at each other and grimace, "I think we all know who that ship belongs to!" Tamaki shudders, "Our Arch-Enemy!" Kaoru nods, "The worst diplomat in all of the Verse!" Suddenly the curtain behind them pulls open and Kyoya steps through, "Hardly, that ship merely belongs to the Society of Sorcerous Diplomacy, led by a name familiar to us all, Umehito Nekozawa."

The twins look at Tamaki, "Boss, he's hailing us!" The two look out the window at the, what could be best described as, black cat-shaped spaceship and shudder as one. Tamaki looks at the ship and sighs "Accept the hail." The twins look at each other and whisper in Chinese (written phonetically), "Shénme shì jùdà de cuòwù chǔn dàn!" ( _what a huge mistake dumbass_ ) Tamaki shoots them a look, his understanding of Chinese limited, the Ouran Fleet commanders having given each child a choice on their second language to learn other than Common, French or Chinese. Chinese is well known within the Verse and is the other "commoner's language," French on the other hand is the diplomatic language of treaties and the primary language of business. Kyoya of course learned both, Tamaki learned French for its merits in the diplomatic field, Honey learned French due to its merits in the culinary field, Hikaru, Kaoru, and Mori learned Chinese so that they may converse easily with the general public.

Kyoya laughs slightly at the twins and smiles at Tamaki, "They said, we will respect your wishes captain." The twins give Kyoya a silent nod of gratitude. Tamaki sighs and clicks the button beside the radio to transmit the hail all throughout the ship, "Nerrozaka!" He shivers in slight fear, his irrational fear of the urban legend about the Beelzenef clouding his diplomatic skills. The Beelzenef having a Verse-wide reputation for curse-creating when the user writes the name of his enemy upon the hull of the ship. Nekozawa speaks over the intercom, his voice carrying into every corner of the ship, sending Honey in the kitchen running to the bridge screaming, Usa-Chop flashing and glinting in his hand, "My name is Nekozawa you imbecile" he hisses, "I thought I might regard your existence, how fragile, how – decrepit – your ship and you all are." Tamaki shudders slightly, "Nekozawa, how is the Society faring? Times are tough in this time, and the Verse seems to be at peace, which as everyone knows, is very bad for business, after all, we need to be needed." Nekozawa's dark smile can almost be heard through the intercom, "We are faring nicely, we are holding our annual Verse-wide Black Magic Item Market yet again, and we have some _very_ _substantial_ buyers here, along with some important treaties yet to be made with the help of certain… items."

While the two captains converse, the twins mutter something quietly that Kyoya can't help but overhear. Kaoru whispers softly to Hikaru in Chinese, his voice carrying their typical mischievous quality "Hikaru, méiyǒu rén gàosù wǒmen, Nekozawa shì pà guāng?" ( _Hikaru, did someone tell us that Nekozawa was afraid of light?_ ) Hikaru smiles and responds, "Bǐfāng shuō, wǒmen bùshì gāng ná dào dà dēng gùdìng de ma?" ( _Say, didn't we just get our headlights fixed?_ ) Kaoru smiles even wider, "Shì dí gē, wǒ xiāngxìn wǒmen zuò de." ( _Yes brother, I believe we did._ ) The two smile mischievously and in the background Kyoya stands silently, approving of their strategy, yet determined not to interfere.

Tamaki frowns visibly at the ship "Nekozawa, why are you heading to Londinum too?" Nekozawa responds "I have business there; I must attend to a matter of utmost urgency with a special concoction I made myself." He looks out the front glass from his ship, his cloak hanging by the door, the cockpit pitch black, his blonde hair providing the only color, "I am to attend to a certain marriage, one of a young Tea trader and his fiancée." Tamaki steps backward, his face white, "You can't! We were hired for that job!" Nekozawa smiles dangerously, "But I can! Muahahahah-" With the flip of a switch bright light suddenly floods the glass in front of Nekozawa, "Murderers!" Suddenly Nekozawa cut off, the ship suddenly spinning around and triggering full burst back to Ariel. The twins high-five each other. Tamaki turns around slowly, his face filled with horror, "What have you two done! You don't understand the true horror of his black magic!" He sinks to the floor slowly, the small dust-bunnies suddenly very interesting. The twins shrug and maintain course-heading.

Mori steps in, shirtless, his towel hanging over his shoulder. He looks at the group, nods, and then turns around to see a white ball covered in frosting fly into the cockpit. "What did Nekozawa want Takashi?" Honey shivers slightly then glances down at the look on Tamaki's face, the dark fear in his eyes. Honey looks at the crew and then back at Tamaki who says "They… Brought down the curse of the Beelzenef!" Honey face slowly morphs into one of pure terror, his body spinning around and running screaming back to his kitchen, Usa-Chop waving even wilder in Honey's hand.

0~0~0~0~0

That night, the crew gathers together, Honey bringing out his C-Rat Surprise to the crew table, his face a modicum of pride. "Honey… Why does our dinner look like a glazed, sugar-coated square of C-rations…?" Hikaru asks, his face twisted in disgust. Mori nods at Honey "Thanks." Tamaki looks at the meal and then sighs "I suppose the Sugar Separator will have a real job to do tonight." Kyoya looks at his checkbook and the ton of sugar that Honey requested, with a simple scratch he changes the sugar requested to ten pounds. Kaoru looks at his brother and whispers, "Zhè kàn qǐlái xiàng yī duī niú fèn dà xiàng de" ( _This looks like a pile of elephant dung_ ) Hikaru nods and Mori stands up slowly. He puts his hands over Honey's ears and looks menacingly at the twins, muttering softly to Honey "Don't listen Mitsukuni." Honey smiles at Mori and sits down. The twins sigh and grab a pair of chopsticks, not quite sure how to approach the meal. The group slowly tucks into the meal. A cacophony of coughs, choking, and sputtering filling the empty ship for the next hour as the crew tried to finish the meal.

Tamaki grimaces at his empty plate and holding his stomach, rose from the table. His crew lay about him on the floor, a number of groans and angry bursts of flailing the only thing differentiating their grey forms. The only two seemingly unaffected being Honey, whom the crew suspects runs off of sugar and Kyoya, holding a suspicious lump in his napkin, who mysteriously seems as vivacious as ever. Tamaki stumbles to the bathroom, about to separate some sugar. Out of the forms upon the floor, the crew slowly separates and makes their way to their respective quarters, not single legible word exchanged, merely grunts and groans following them through the hallways. Kyoya swiftly ducked into the bathroom with his napkin. Exiting with a clean and pressed napkin he placed it back with the rest of the napkins, amid a pile of stained, grease-covered, and icing spots, it was the only white item left in the kitchen. He nodded and made his way back to his quarters ready to review his notes of the day. He passed a whistling blur of energy in the kitchen, cleaning faster than could be seen, faint afterimages of a strawberry cake could barely be seen. As he descended his ladder into his quarters, (the typical style of that era of crew quarters) he made sure the hinges were silent, and the ladder was clean. He sat down on his bed and slowly started to brew a new pot of tea, the ship moving silently along its path, the stars the only guardians of its travel.

0~0~0~0~0

With a tremendous alarm, the ship shook awake the half-dressed crew, the twin pilots bouncing up and out of their slumber and rushing to the helm, suspenders dragging behind them, one pant leg still off on Hikaru, and Kaoru holding his shirt. Stubbing his toe Tamaki climbed out of his cabin, limping he made his way to the helm following the twins, barely noticing Honey, asleep at the sink, a sparkling kitchen the only explanation. Kyoya was suspiciously sipping tea next to the silent and snoring Honey, his legs crossed on the stool. His book was in his lap, his vest and attire as immaculate as the kitchen around him. Mori slowly lumbered out of his bed, and groaning opened up the hatch to the machinery, cracking his knuckles and raising his goggles he swept aside the cords below him and descended into the sparks and fire of the ship. The twins arrived at the console, with a flurry of movement they had silenced the alarm, simultaneously corrected the course alignment, and initiated the landing sequence at Londinum. Tamaki finally swept aside the curtain and barked out, "What just happened?" The twins sighed and one said "New Landing Alarm." Tamaki sighed at the twins and sat down on the metal and muttered softly, "Next time more warning before the warning would be nice." He slowly turned around and started down the hallway to fix his hair, which, was quite reminiscent of last night's meal. As one the crew moved toward their positions to land, their job before them, a mission of great diplomatic importance, the love of a young couple hinging on their very presence.

 _We hope you enjoyed our first chapter, R &R appreciated._


End file.
